At times I wish I could just look at the paper and words would just appear. Its a new world so I should've said, "I wish I could just look at the screen and the words just appear. Too much is going on right now, I love a challenge but I can't handle all the challenges at once. She's telling me this, and he's telling me that. Soon as I get finish with one task, another is right behind it coming up. It makes sense but then it really doesn't. I'm here at work, doing work so I won't have to wok. I will say that again. I'M HERE AT WORK, DOING WORK SO I WON'T HAVE TO WORK. School, my job and all I want to do is make movies and write for people who are in to the things I'm in to. Do you want to take a ride with me? Hop in and let's go.
So I'm in a room full of future business owners or CEO'S or whatever the heck you call them, I'm not interested in that. The so called "Master" and "Mrs Know It All" asks me a question that a interviewer would ask me at a job. We were suppose to tell her what we wanted to work as and what was our dream jobs. "If you could be an animal what would you be?", she asked. Everyone bit their nails and looked up and around. I yelled out, "A Tiger". She then put me on the spot and asked why. I said the word, "Independence". I'm looking at her but seeing the rest of the class look at me as if I was stupid. Be specific is what I was told. She moved in like a lens zooming on a camera, even her eyes opened wider like the iris in the lens. She did all that just to say this, "How does being independent apply to any company, I wouldn't hire you." Now I'm listening to her but hearing the class laugh at me. I was being nice, polite, because I knew I was in public and around professional people but I had to flip out and introduce Class to Jersey City. I said, "What the fuck are you laughing for, at least I answered" and then I yelled at the teacher and said, "BEING INDEPENDENT TEACHES YOU HOW TO WORK ALONE IF THE COMPANY ASSIGNED YOU TO WORK ON A TASK OR PROJECT BY YOURSELF OR IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOUR COWORKERS". I calmed down and told her that being a independent filmmaker with no crew, forces you to learn every aspect of filmmaking, from writing, to directing, to doing sound, to editing, to casting the actors, to making the music, to raising money, to budgeting. I just wanted to write, shoot and edit. So because I didn't have a crew and was independent, I can work alone if needed to. How do you like them apples, I didn't say that part to her but I sure said it in my mind.
After class my teacher had wanted to apologize but I was in a rush, I had to call up one of my actors to tell them what was going on. Yet, I was surprised that she knew she was wrong but I brushed it off and said its okay. I'm off to my little professional meeting.
Thought all of this equipment I have would have been football equipment but things hit you by surprize. That's why I do take things seriously in my classes, the teachers might think I'm not taking things in but just because I'm not reinforcing it to them doesn't mean I'm not keeping it for myself to use later in my life.
I done left class to go to another class. I usually have my meetings and table reads at the school I attend. I figure I use my resources. Shit, they use all of my money anyway. I purposely leave the lights and all computers on for that reason but then I think about the environment and shut them off. Anyway, I'm call up Alfred. He's an underated actor. I mean he is good and what I like about him is that he's in to this shit. He's like that person in your family who could sing really good but never showed his gift to anyone. I'm trying to change that and get him out there in the film world as an actor, but this other actor named Michael who's halfway out there is holding me up. Its Ironic because I thought Michael was passionated about acting and would never leave me out in the dust. Sadly, right before shooting the first scene, he backed out. In the script there's a line that says, "You're gonna leave me in the dust, Be there for me when I need you the most". Mike was the actor who said that, too bad for me he is the person his character was talking to, in real life. There's a lot of actors in the world so I'm not gonna sweat it.
Me and Alfred mention good things about Michael and both aggreed to move on. He said he didn't blame me and I was fair about it. It feels good to know that I'm not the bad guy.
Wow, I have to post a freaking blog for my English class. I'm gonna call you later man, I say to Alfred. I'm already in class, on the computer but why can't I write? I'm so confused on what should I do. I really want to give up because I know a lot and enough to do what I want to do but I didn't come all this way for nothing and I'm not just doing this for me. I was paid six hundred bucks to shoot a video that I still have not edited yet. Why? I don't know. I do know but I don't know. I do know its because I have tons of work to do for English, Business, Sportswriting and even writing for my Digital Photography class. All of that plus writing video ideas for music artist. I would stop doing music videos but I get payed for that and I could use that money for rent. I have a job but because of school I don't work enough hours. Well because of work, I'm tired in school. Then because of school I don't really have time to shoot my movie. I want to quit my job but how will I stay in contact with my actors. My phone bill, rent, school is killing me.
I'm really confused. I don't know what to do. Homeless people don't pay bills. If I lived in my car and quit my job i'd have more time to do school work. If I'd quit school I'd have more time to make film and work.
I was confused and disappointed that Michael dropped out of my film. He is a really good actor and he had the look that I wanted for the film. If I was him and he was me, I would have done the same. I understand that he dropped out because I didn't have the shooting dates ready. This film was suppose to be shot in October, it's November now and I haven't even introduce all of the actors together. Things come up, and the world is not going to stop for me. Sometimes you just have to I'm done thinking about this stuff, this is not the way she wanted to write this. She wanted sections. Is this even creative nonfiction? I think this is more of just writing out my thoughts. I need to wash my hair, all of this dirt is in my nails. I'm done, my next blog will be amazing, this one is just to get things off of my chest. I need a title. How do you say confused in spanish? Alfred is spanish, he would know. Hey what's up man. Na, he still doesn't want to be in the film but I'm calling you to translate something for me, would've texted you but I'm writing my blog from my phone because if I'd exit out it would not have saved. How do you say confused in spanish? Okay, thanks man.
So I'm in a room full of future business owners or CEO'S or whatever the heck you call them, I'm not interested in that. The so called "Master" and "Mrs Know It All" asks me a question that a interviewer would ask me at a job. We were suppose to tell her what we wanted to work as and what was our dream jobs. "If you could be an animal what would you be?", she asked. Everyone bit their nails and looked up and around. I yelled out, "A Tiger". She then put me on the spot and asked why. I said the word, "Independence". I'm looking at her but seeing the rest of the class look at me as if I was stupid. Be specific is what I was told. She moved in like a lens zooming on a camera, even her eyes opened wider like the iris in the lens. She did all that just to say this, "How does being independent apply to any company, I wouldn't hire you." Now I'm listening to her but hearing the class laugh at me. I was being nice, polite, because I knew I was in public and around professional people but I had to flip out and introduce Class to Jersey City. I said, "What the fuck are you laughing for, at least I answered" and then I yelled at the teacher and said, "BEING INDEPENDENT TEACHES YOU HOW TO WORK ALONE IF THE COMPANY ASSIGNED YOU TO WORK ON A TASK OR PROJECT BY YOURSELF OR IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOUR COWORKERS". I calmed down and told her that being a independent filmmaker with no crew, forces you to learn every aspect of filmmaking, from writing, to directing, to doing sound, to editing, to casting the actors, to making the music, to raising money, to budgeting. I just wanted to write, shoot and edit. So because I didn't have a crew and was independent, I can work alone if needed to. How do you like them apples, I didn't say that part to her but I sure said it in my mind.
After class my teacher had wanted to apologize but I was in a rush, I had to call up one of my actors to tell them what was going on. Yet, I was surprised that she knew she was wrong but I brushed it off and said its okay. I'm off to my little professional meeting.
Thought all of this equipment I have would have been football equipment but things hit you by surprize. That's why I do take things seriously in my classes, the teachers might think I'm not taking things in but just because I'm not reinforcing it to them doesn't mean I'm not keeping it for myself to use later in my life.
I done left class to go to another class. I usually have my meetings and table reads at the school I attend. I figure I use my resources. Shit, they use all of my money anyway. I purposely leave the lights and all computers on for that reason but then I think about the environment and shut them off. Anyway, I'm call up Alfred. He's an underated actor. I mean he is good and what I like about him is that he's in to this shit. He's like that person in your family who could sing really good but never showed his gift to anyone. I'm trying to change that and get him out there in the film world as an actor, but this other actor named Michael who's halfway out there is holding me up. Its Ironic because I thought Michael was passionated about acting and would never leave me out in the dust. Sadly, right before shooting the first scene, he backed out. In the script there's a line that says, "You're gonna leave me in the dust, Be there for me when I need you the most". Mike was the actor who said that, too bad for me he is the person his character was talking to, in real life. There's a lot of actors in the world so I'm not gonna sweat it.
Me and Alfred mention good things about Michael and both aggreed to move on. He said he didn't blame me and I was fair about it. It feels good to know that I'm not the bad guy.
Wow, I have to post a freaking blog for my English class. I'm gonna call you later man, I say to Alfred. I'm already in class, on the computer but why can't I write? I'm so confused on what should I do. I really want to give up because I know a lot and enough to do what I want to do but I didn't come all this way for nothing and I'm not just doing this for me. I was paid six hundred bucks to shoot a video that I still have not edited yet. Why? I don't know. I do know but I don't know. I do know its because I have tons of work to do for English, Business, Sportswriting and even writing for my Digital Photography class. All of that plus writing video ideas for music artist. I would stop doing music videos but I get payed for that and I could use that money for rent. I have a job but because of school I don't work enough hours. Well because of work, I'm tired in school. Then because of school I don't really have time to shoot my movie. I want to quit my job but how will I stay in contact with my actors. My phone bill, rent, school is killing me.
I'm really confused. I don't know what to do. Homeless people don't pay bills. If I lived in my car and quit my job i'd have more time to do school work. If I'd quit school I'd have more time to make film and work.
I was confused and disappointed that Michael dropped out of my film. He is a really good actor and he had the look that I wanted for the film. If I was him and he was me, I would have done the same. I understand that he dropped out because I didn't have the shooting dates ready. This film was suppose to be shot in October, it's November now and I haven't even introduce all of the actors together. Things come up, and the world is not going to stop for me. Sometimes you just have to I'm done thinking about this stuff, this is not the way she wanted to write this. She wanted sections. Is this even creative nonfiction? I think this is more of just writing out my thoughts. I need to wash my hair, all of this dirt is in my nails. I'm done, my next blog will be amazing, this one is just to get things off of my chest. I need a title. How do you say confused in spanish? Alfred is spanish, he would know. Hey what's up man. Na, he still doesn't want to be in the film but I'm calling you to translate something for me, would've texted you but I'm writing my blog from my phone because if I'd exit out it would not have saved. How do you say confused in spanish? Okay, thanks man.
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